Cunning

I was looking for the word "cunning" in the dictionary,
When I realized that, at the age of thirty-something
I have already made many mistakes.

Not planned, neither idealized.
They happened as foreseen, as advised.
How could I have done it? Never avoided.
My mistake was the absence of a wall
To block my foolish idealism, my lack of "proportion".

I walked out, and then heard the tears dropping behind,
Tears of wisdom, they probably knew,
I would never know
That tortuous ways would lead me to unknown places,
faces, senses.
That made me what I am.
I lost spring and summer's days
I jumped straight into winter,
dark and sharp
And when I looked back
I saw courage, but regret.
A joy and a feeling,
That I could have done it differently.

But life is so, as I still am.
And then,
What's next?